It is July 23- Can't believe summers' flying. This is the first summer I really don't care about color- Also- going to dermatologist to check out my skin in early August so don't want to overdo it. Also, it's been so HUMID out- it's almost toxic walking outside. Nothing else going on- still trying to sell the place, pictures at least came out well, oh- yes- the Japanese guy who has been cutting my hair for yrs really flipped yesterday- cut some layers way shorter on one side and when I said something that it looks shorter- he says- I've been cutting your hair for years- You still don't trust me- I'm thinking- Welll, we were enemies in WW 2!!! So like on purpose- he tortures me becasue all I got was a haircut and think he was pissed
because I usually get a treatment also. I mean it's not like bangs or anything but like the economy is hitting everyone- HELLO- don't take it out on me. You know- nice has it's limits- you know. I like that.!!! Anyone- must go now so tired- have to work the phones tomorrow for a bit. Nie

Pray

I have lots of stuff going on and I am tired but must continue the fight- Some things come asier to others and some people can take more suffering or whatever. I really pray the economy gets better and we can sell this place and still enjoy the summer. Nothing's easy and those that have it easy find other things to complain about.

Thanks for listening- Good Night!

Limbo

I feel limboish lately. We may be moving to Alabama and I really am OK with that- close to Atlanta but the cats going on a plane!!!. Elvis bad tartar and gums!- will the vet give them health certificates? If my husband gets the offer and everything works out- he goes first until the move is worked out- I'm not keen on being here alone for most of the week but maybe I can focus on myself again- that part will be good. Elvis will miss Frank so much. I just pray whatever way it goes, the cat ordeal goes smoothly- If the cats don't go- I can't leave them!

Maybe it will work out another way and he'll get something closer. We can't even sell the place- Bad Market, Economy- Oil spill continues to get worse- need a change- a good one!!!

Tired- TBC- Nins

Moods

I'm not in a good moood and I didn't want to pretend to be or have to act happy. I am almost xxx yrs old and no more acting- Unless, of course- I'm getting paid for it. I'm sick of BS from people and family memebers but u know what- I am strong and no matter what- I'll be OK- I've never had an easy time of it but also admit the last several yes have been tough. moving up here, going from job to job- both my husband and I not having steady income- well, it's a bit scary and now the future? Who knows what will happen- Can it get worse? Yup!! Let's pray it gets better and think of all these homeless people and the oil spill that has affected so many lives and the environment and the wildlife- So sad- and the poor soldiers who have died for this stupid war and this gov't pathetically run and you know- it keeps everything in perspective.

When Pets go to Heaven

I just found out recently a very good friend of mine cats' passed away. She was 19- nice,long life and a beautiful cat. Even though the cat lived a long life, it doesn't make the loss any less sad. It affects everyone who knew the cat and her whole family- she has a son and I know how sad it is to lose a pet especially as a child.

I remember we grew up having a family dog- he lived to be almost 14 and was loved by us so much but he was more the family dog. I remember yrs later, at 33 I finally got my first pet. A beautiful orange tabby named Bowie. He was not nice to others but was always sweet and loving to me. I got him a kitten about 2 yrs later, Amanda- She loved him so much too and vice-versa- Well, she looked like him also and they got along splendidly but then she got fixed and never woke up from the anesthesia. I remember telling the vet she seemed like she had a cold- she was sickly when i adopted her- rubnt of the litter they said- and I had to feed her with a little syringe, felt so badly she died. My cat Bowie slept with me that night- He knew I was so sad. I sometimes would come home after drinking and play fist fight with him- He hated alcohol and did not like this behavior. Another cat was adopted, Roxie- a beautiful calico- she adored Bowie- it was never quite the same relationship he had with Amanda but he was always very nice to her and they quickly became buddies. Bowie was 7 and got very sick while I was living in NYC, He would not eat and was yellow. I took him to Animal- Medical Center and they fixed him up. They thought he had a mass in his body but I did not want to open him up. He got better as everday I went home from my job at lunchtime and fed him with a syringe. Pretty soon he was eating on his own but the syringe caused a scab in his cheek and he had to wear a halo hat- it scabbed up, came off and finally cleared up and fresh fur grew there.
When I got married, the cats moved up here. Bowie was not happy about the nmove but he adjusted nicely and was with us for a few yrs in Westchester when he succumbed to lung cancer. It was the worst as he died in the apartment and I cancelled putting him to sleep that morning as he was eating- that day I kissed him and tasted death. That night he was having such a hard time- my husband and I were like- It's OK Bowie- you can go- He died in a far corner of the apartment- I picked him up and he was already gone- I did not know it until his tail would not go into the cat carrier. He probably had a heart attack while I picked him up on the way to the carrier. Poor thing- At least he got to die at home. I am crying now so have to stop. My husband took him to the vet the next morning and I have his ashes and pictures surrounding him- My other cat was so upset she just ate and sat on a box upstairs for a week straight- so sad. 2 weeks later my husand found an adorable grey tabby at Petsmart- Elvis- we really did it for Roxie- He was not fixed and was quite a handful until he was but now, I realize it was therapeutic for me as well. I will never forget Bowie- I felt like he was my sole responsibility and we took care of each other and I will always miss him. Pets are the greatest gift and should be treated as such. You never know what the next day may bring. TBC- Nina

Frenemies

I wasn't sure if I spelled it right or wrong but the point is we all know them, don't we. The kind of people who want to hang out with you and love you and want you to do well but well, not too well and definitely not better than them! All of a sudden- you do 1 thing they don't like and bam- they totally bitch out. Then we make nice we them until the next time- It's like a habit witht hese people- they are very controlling and when they can't control the natural order in their own lives- Boom- they lash out at you. Well, you know what- when you get to a certain age- it isn't worth the energy to get upset- maybe they had a bad day, a bad childhood or
a bad mood- that doesn't mean we have to catfight back. The best thing to do is act as nice as possible until the frenemy goes their own way again. I have had too many bad experiences with them and I tell you, now I can count a handful of sincere, close friends. A real friend doesn't write nasty things about you and try to piss you off even if all you've ever done is be nice to them even when they don't deserve it.
Anyway, red flags are always up with 1 or 2 frenemies I know so it's never totally shocking when the ball drops.

I know people read my blog and will never admit it- hence- a compliment which they cannot give so I will refrain from naming them but they seem to always live up to their name- Frenemy.

A lot of times I recognize I would be friends with people like my family- never complimentary- making digs, ignoring me but feel that since I've grown and done many intersting things as an adult- these people are around less and less and I've really grown from the experience. I alwyas feel a level of uncomfortableness in my stomach as I never know when a nasty dig will shoot out of their mouth.
You hate them but because you share a certain history- you love them too- but now, better to love them from afar.

Do women have more frenemies than men? I would guess yes- Women are just by nature- cattier- you never hear men sitting in a coffee shop or drinking beers gossiping about their golf buddy that he has put on weight or his plugs looks really bad. Just does not happen- Gay men on the other hand- they are the best to gossip with and usually make the best friends also!!!

TBC- Nina-

Gosh, can't believe I haven't posted anything since May 11th. I need to focus on myself again. Can't imagine people with families- probably really hard to get own personal time in- which is important- one I can see- two- no time- just like your body becomes emeshed in others. Reunion was fun and for a week a whirlwind of photos popping up. It was fun, like going back to a much easier time- of course it was-it was HS- still, so much anxiety in my house- never felt quite relaxed until I was hanging out with my friends on my own drugged up to numb the pain.
Still waiting to sell house, one guy came back with his parents - said his realtors would contact ours- Well, that was Sun- Today is Thurs and no news. Seems like an oddball- alwyas came late- claiming his realtor told him the times were 2-4. He is not coming back in again- Oddly enuf, my MPV player is now missing. No accusations- just sayin'- maybe I left it at friends place. Lets see- Fri going into city to see Sucks in the City- apparantly bad reviews but with my friend so who cares and we'll go out after. Sat- b-b- que in NJ at our friends and Sun and Mon hopefully beach and park,
Franks still interviewing and has to go to Alabama in 2 weeks for an interview- I know- ugh- they are flying him out here and paying for everything so he might as well go. I PRAY the Cornell job comes thru- I know he really wants that one and it would be an easy transisition. I am looking forward to getting my hair treatment- about time- have to because getting head shots June 18th and hair has to look great in pix- also pray my gyno results come back neg on everything. Please God!!!

Anyway- That's it- I will try to write more regularly- there has to be a book in here somewhere, right???

xo- Nie