Sunday, March 4, 2012
Friday, March 2, 2012
Polka dotted Underwear...
If u have been following my blog as I have- I will soon have a billion followers, I had stated I came from a dysfunctional family. Many of you are saying So What? Who hasn't- OK- Agreed but it still hurts no matter how many people say thet came from a dysfunctional family. I always knew it but when I saw pictures of me from a woman who was in my fifth grade class posted the class photo on FB- Gee Thanks by a girl who later bullied me with another girl- we were all 3 best friends but we blew off another girl and I can still remember that vividly. She walked up to us in the schoolyard, she was cute and chipper as usual. We disussed the night before what our plan was. We stuck to it- She said hello, we kicked each other and ignored her. It
waselation, such a powerful feeling making someone feel bad! After that- feeling so superior and making someone feel soo small!! What could be better! Until it happens to you..
OK- I'll get back to that.. Now the class picure- looking back at it in my 40's I see how well dressed the other kids were.
Here I am- slumped over- hippied hair- totally needed a cut, chubby and buck teeth- slight overbite ad my Mom would say- I was resentful becasue my sister got her retainer/braces on much earlier than me so Bugs Bunny was my nickname and it stuck.. My shirt was tight and I was slumped over, eyes shut. I looked like White Trailer Trash. No offense to any White Trailer Trah readers.. I looked sad, ashamed and truly looked like I wished I was on another planet.. I know I wished I was..
Oh- now getting back to the polka dotted underwear story- In fifthe grade we had square dancing in the big gymnasium- I
really really wanted these cool dungaree bell jeans with leather fringe and silver buttons on the bttom- I might possibly had lost some weight at his point or the pants were just too big on me, bu they quickly fell down as soon as we started square dancing. Revealing my blue polka dotted underewar- My teacher turned his head, kids turned red and I pulled my pants up and left the gum. Everyone was laughing. I was mortified. I was only in fifthe grade- In 2012 the stories are so much worse- To think then that was a dynasty scandal.. Now it would be a mere FB post..
Want more... Read more.. TBC!!!
waselation, such a powerful feeling making someone feel bad! After that- feeling so superior and making someone feel soo small!! What could be better! Until it happens to you..
OK- I'll get back to that.. Now the class picure- looking back at it in my 40's I see how well dressed the other kids were.
Here I am- slumped over- hippied hair- totally needed a cut, chubby and buck teeth- slight overbite ad my Mom would say- I was resentful becasue my sister got her retainer/braces on much earlier than me so Bugs Bunny was my nickname and it stuck.. My shirt was tight and I was slumped over, eyes shut. I looked like White Trailer Trash. No offense to any White Trailer Trah readers.. I looked sad, ashamed and truly looked like I wished I was on another planet.. I know I wished I was..
Oh- now getting back to the polka dotted underwear story- In fifthe grade we had square dancing in the big gymnasium- I
really really wanted these cool dungaree bell jeans with leather fringe and silver buttons on the bttom- I might possibly had lost some weight at his point or the pants were just too big on me, bu they quickly fell down as soon as we started square dancing. Revealing my blue polka dotted underewar- My teacher turned his head, kids turned red and I pulled my pants up and left the gum. Everyone was laughing. I was mortified. I was only in fifthe grade- In 2012 the stories are so much worse- To think then that was a dynasty scandal.. Now it would be a mere FB post..
Want more... Read more.. TBC!!!
Friendship
I had lunch with an old friend today.. It was a brief but comfortable lunch. After going our seperate ways for many years
I find that now we live close to each other. We used to go out after doing open mike comedy together and drink,meet guys- only my objective was too have fun as my friends' was much more serious- to land a second husband. That was her goal- had I focused on my goal, I might have been writing this on The Huffington Post instead of this blog but well, at least I am writing. She met her goal, I was with her when shw finally met her Prince Charming while watching her dance with tons of frogs, while sayng dancing- I am being kind.
I was actually relieved when she finally met her now husband. Going to the bars getting drunk and having fun got tiring
and realizing I was being used as a back up did not really hit me until after our friendship had fallen apart. I had started to realize I pretty much just hung out with her, stopped doing comedy and I got very depressed. I felt very alone. I had done this before, getting close with some other friends in the comedy world and one close friend of mine ended up moving away
back to LA where she was originally fun. That was a totally different type of friendship because we just got each other and she was there for me and I was there for her just because we liked hanging out together and it was fun doing gigs.
When she moved away, I found it a lot less fun. I guess because I grew up with two older sisters in a very dysfunctional family, close friends would replace the family I never really had so I bonded closely with people- even some that were not the best influences in my life. I still have friends from HS but do not see them as often as I would like and then when I do, I get really anxious and twice have actually thrown up, not as a result of hanging out with them but the lack of not seeing them a lot and feeling anxiety leads me to over drink and feel uncomfortable. I enjoy children and I do not have any as thinking well I have a niece and nephew that is good enough for me not realizing until years later when I could see how happy my friends were talking about heir children and seeing their children that I possibly should not have been so agreeable with my now husband about not having kids- we had discussed that beforehand but realized after we had gotten married, yes I did want a family. I was married at 41 and figured it was just to late now to do anything. My husband was a freelancer and I was in sales and on unemployment a lot. So I made peace with it and have two cats and life goes on. My own niece and nephew are18 and 22 and my husbands' neice has a two year old boy and she is going to have a baby girl in June so at least there will be new life around.
New life is just the beginning and every day is also a new life..
I find that now we live close to each other. We used to go out after doing open mike comedy together and drink,meet guys- only my objective was too have fun as my friends' was much more serious- to land a second husband. That was her goal- had I focused on my goal, I might have been writing this on The Huffington Post instead of this blog but well, at least I am writing. She met her goal, I was with her when shw finally met her Prince Charming while watching her dance with tons of frogs, while sayng dancing- I am being kind.
I was actually relieved when she finally met her now husband. Going to the bars getting drunk and having fun got tiring
and realizing I was being used as a back up did not really hit me until after our friendship had fallen apart. I had started to realize I pretty much just hung out with her, stopped doing comedy and I got very depressed. I felt very alone. I had done this before, getting close with some other friends in the comedy world and one close friend of mine ended up moving away
back to LA where she was originally fun. That was a totally different type of friendship because we just got each other and she was there for me and I was there for her just because we liked hanging out together and it was fun doing gigs.
When she moved away, I found it a lot less fun. I guess because I grew up with two older sisters in a very dysfunctional family, close friends would replace the family I never really had so I bonded closely with people- even some that were not the best influences in my life. I still have friends from HS but do not see them as often as I would like and then when I do, I get really anxious and twice have actually thrown up, not as a result of hanging out with them but the lack of not seeing them a lot and feeling anxiety leads me to over drink and feel uncomfortable. I enjoy children and I do not have any as thinking well I have a niece and nephew that is good enough for me not realizing until years later when I could see how happy my friends were talking about heir children and seeing their children that I possibly should not have been so agreeable with my now husband about not having kids- we had discussed that beforehand but realized after we had gotten married, yes I did want a family. I was married at 41 and figured it was just to late now to do anything. My husband was a freelancer and I was in sales and on unemployment a lot. So I made peace with it and have two cats and life goes on. My own niece and nephew are18 and 22 and my husbands' neice has a two year old boy and she is going to have a baby girl in June so at least there will be new life around.
New life is just the beginning and every day is also a new life..
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
