I had lunch with an old friend today.. It was a brief but comfortable lunch. After going our seperate ways for many years
I find that now we live close to each other. We used to go out after doing open mike comedy together and drink,meet guys- only my objective was too have fun as my friends' was much more serious- to land a second husband. That was her goal- had I focused on my goal, I might have been writing this on The Huffington Post instead of this blog but well, at least I am writing. She met her goal, I was with her when shw finally met her Prince Charming while watching her dance with tons of frogs, while sayng dancing- I am being kind.
I was actually relieved when she finally met her now husband. Going to the bars getting drunk and having fun got tiring
and realizing I was being used as a back up did not really hit me until after our friendship had fallen apart. I had started to realize I pretty much just hung out with her, stopped doing comedy and I got very depressed. I felt very alone. I had done this before, getting close with some other friends in the comedy world and one close friend of mine ended up moving away
back to LA where she was originally fun. That was a totally different type of friendship because we just got each other and she was there for me and I was there for her just because we liked hanging out together and it was fun doing gigs.
When she moved away, I found it a lot less fun. I guess because I grew up with two older sisters in a very dysfunctional family, close friends would replace the family I never really had so I bonded closely with people- even some that were not the best influences in my life. I still have friends from HS but do not see them as often as I would like and then when I do, I get really anxious and twice have actually thrown up, not as a result of hanging out with them but the lack of not seeing them a lot and feeling anxiety leads me to over drink and feel uncomfortable. I enjoy children and I do not have any as thinking well I have a niece and nephew that is good enough for me not realizing until years later when I could see how happy my friends were talking about heir children and seeing their children that I possibly should not have been so agreeable with my now husband about not having kids- we had discussed that beforehand but realized after we had gotten married, yes I did want a family. I was married at 41 and figured it was just to late now to do anything. My husband was a freelancer and I was in sales and on unemployment a lot. So I made peace with it and have two cats and life goes on. My own niece and nephew are18 and 22 and my husbands' neice has a two year old boy and she is going to have a baby girl in June so at least there will be new life around.
New life is just the beginning and every day is also a new life..