Make Yourself a Priority First

I'm lonely now. My husband accepted a job down South and now life goes on here and I am really realizing how dreary it is up here. At least when he was here, there was someone to talk to and ignore- now noone. My closest friends in building are leaving Fri for vacation Fri for 10 days and i am still working for the school. In between that, still have people looking at apt ay moments notice and have an OH coming up this weekend. If I still lived in city, I wouldn't feel so isolated. Now- How is it going to be down South? I'll have to try to meet some people like me- crazy as it sounds. Some Southern folk that like to do comedy, theater or whatever. This is a lot my fault. I just let my passions slide and now the highlight of my night is cooking chicken for my cat. Well, his birthday is tomorrow! Not so pathetic. At least I have my postcards to pick up Fri and will make an appt to visit that theatrical agency. Typical I do things when I will be out the door- I just pray his job gets better and he eases into it without burning himself out or else no move ans back to the old drawing board- Always seem to be going back to the old drawing board- like GroundHogs Day- the movie. God Help Us All!!! No LOL

Changes

Change is very scary, It seem sso easy when u are younger. I used to moce a lot in my 30's and that was considered iunstable- so then when i pretty much become stabulized ina few different living situations, all of a sudden, another move Becomes like cement being poured all over my body. It was easier movinmg around NY- Even moving up to Westchester was traumatic but Atlanta, alabama- Well, my husband will be working in Alabama and we will live near Atlanta. My friend said to me- Well, you lived in Arizona didn't you? That was college- ample opportunity oo meet people when you are young and in school. Mot so easy when you are older and have no kids. The only things I should focus on is working. meeting peopele there and comedy places and casting agencies. I know they have them down there. What else am I supposed to do? I need a change though. This is stifling up here and it hopefully has to be better. I just hope everything goes smoothly and must have faith and trust. The cats - I worry about them driving down but would much rather that than in the plane. All details must be worked out carefully. Crossing fingers.

It is July 23- Can't believe summers' flying. This is the first summer I really don't care about color- Also- going to dermatologist to check out my skin in early August so don't want to overdo it. Also, it's been so HUMID out- it's almost toxic walking outside. Nothing else going on- still trying to sell the place, pictures at least came out well, oh- yes- the Japanese guy who has been cutting my hair for yrs really flipped yesterday- cut some layers way shorter on one side and when I said something that it looks shorter- he says- I've been cutting your hair for years- You still don't trust me- I'm thinking- Welll, we were enemies in WW 2!!! So like on purpose- he tortures me becasue all I got was a haircut and think he was pissed
because I usually get a treatment also. I mean it's not like bangs or anything but like the economy is hitting everyone- HELLO- don't take it out on me. You know- nice has it's limits- you know. I like that.!!! Anyone- must go now so tired- have to work the phones tomorrow for a bit. Nie

Pray

I have lots of stuff going on and I am tired but must continue the fight- Some things come asier to others and some people can take more suffering or whatever. I really pray the economy gets better and we can sell this place and still enjoy the summer. Nothing's easy and those that have it easy find other things to complain about.

Thanks for listening- Good Night!

Limbo

I feel limboish lately. We may be moving to Alabama and I really am OK with that- close to Atlanta but the cats going on a plane!!!. Elvis bad tartar and gums!- will the vet give them health certificates? If my husband gets the offer and everything works out- he goes first until the move is worked out- I'm not keen on being here alone for most of the week but maybe I can focus on myself again- that part will be good. Elvis will miss Frank so much. I just pray whatever way it goes, the cat ordeal goes smoothly- If the cats don't go- I can't leave them!

Maybe it will work out another way and he'll get something closer. We can't even sell the place- Bad Market, Economy- Oil spill continues to get worse- need a change- a good one!!!

Tired- TBC- Nins

Moods

I'm not in a good moood and I didn't want to pretend to be or have to act happy. I am almost xxx yrs old and no more acting- Unless, of course- I'm getting paid for it. I'm sick of BS from people and family memebers but u know what- I am strong and no matter what- I'll be OK- I've never had an easy time of it but also admit the last several yes have been tough. moving up here, going from job to job- both my husband and I not having steady income- well, it's a bit scary and now the future? Who knows what will happen- Can it get worse? Yup!! Let's pray it gets better and think of all these homeless people and the oil spill that has affected so many lives and the environment and the wildlife- So sad- and the poor soldiers who have died for this stupid war and this gov't pathetically run and you know- it keeps everything in perspective.

When Pets go to Heaven

I just found out recently a very good friend of mine cats' passed away. She was 19- nice,long life and a beautiful cat. Even though the cat lived a long life, it doesn't make the loss any less sad. It affects everyone who knew the cat and her whole family- she has a son and I know how sad it is to lose a pet especially as a child.

I remember we grew up having a family dog- he lived to be almost 14 and was loved by us so much but he was more the family dog. I remember yrs later, at 33 I finally got my first pet. A beautiful orange tabby named Bowie. He was not nice to others but was always sweet and loving to me. I got him a kitten about 2 yrs later, Amanda- She loved him so much too and vice-versa- Well, she looked like him also and they got along splendidly but then she got fixed and never woke up from the anesthesia. I remember telling the vet she seemed like she had a cold- she was sickly when i adopted her- rubnt of the litter they said- and I had to feed her with a little syringe, felt so badly she died. My cat Bowie slept with me that night- He knew I was so sad. I sometimes would come home after drinking and play fist fight with him- He hated alcohol and did not like this behavior. Another cat was adopted, Roxie- a beautiful calico- she adored Bowie- it was never quite the same relationship he had with Amanda but he was always very nice to her and they quickly became buddies. Bowie was 7 and got very sick while I was living in NYC, He would not eat and was yellow. I took him to Animal- Medical Center and they fixed him up. They thought he had a mass in his body but I did not want to open him up. He got better as everday I went home from my job at lunchtime and fed him with a syringe. Pretty soon he was eating on his own but the syringe caused a scab in his cheek and he had to wear a halo hat- it scabbed up, came off and finally cleared up and fresh fur grew there.
When I got married, the cats moved up here. Bowie was not happy about the nmove but he adjusted nicely and was with us for a few yrs in Westchester when he succumbed to lung cancer. It was the worst as he died in the apartment and I cancelled putting him to sleep that morning as he was eating- that day I kissed him and tasted death. That night he was having such a hard time- my husband and I were like- It's OK Bowie- you can go- He died in a far corner of the apartment- I picked him up and he was already gone- I did not know it until his tail would not go into the cat carrier. He probably had a heart attack while I picked him up on the way to the carrier. Poor thing- At least he got to die at home. I am crying now so have to stop. My husband took him to the vet the next morning and I have his ashes and pictures surrounding him- My other cat was so upset she just ate and sat on a box upstairs for a week straight- so sad. 2 weeks later my husand found an adorable grey tabby at Petsmart- Elvis- we really did it for Roxie- He was not fixed and was quite a handful until he was but now, I realize it was therapeutic for me as well. I will never forget Bowie- I felt like he was my sole responsibility and we took care of each other and I will always miss him. Pets are the greatest gift and should be treated as such. You never know what the next day may bring. TBC- Nina